For my creative expression, I did my morning tea meditation practice outside in the garden several mornings. I have a a morning tea meditation practice for almost ten years now. I usually sit inside and absorb the stillness. For this exercise I went out into the garden and just opened my senses up to the external rather than internal.

Where I am living in Northern Thailand it is technically fall but the rainy season has just ended and the season is actually more like spring. The wood element is in complete full bloom. Just sitting and opening up my perception to the outside world, I started to notice how many different birds I could hear singing at once. I had notice that in the recent season change many migratory birds had some but I didn’t really until that moment take in just how many different bird songs I could hear. I also took in the sound of insects screeching. The sound of the fountain the distant pond splashing. The smell of the fresh green vegetation and flowers in the tea.

It was beautiful to just absorb the world and let it take over my senses and bath in the spring wood element energy.

So far I am gaining more from this course than I imagined..I am seventy nine years old and am living with much regret about my past life and mistakes I made..Readings in this course and trying to meditate is helping me cope and using this ability in helping others,

This week I have been seeing more subtle changes to both my inner and outer worlds.  Cultivating compassion and gratitude helps me to nurture a profound and sustainable inner peace.  It replaces judgment with understanding and anger with empathy, dissolving the internal conflicts and softening the heart’s boundaries.  Simultaneously, the practice of gratitude shifts my focus from what is lacking to the abundance that already exists, and be graceful for whatever challenges I encountered, as they are life changing insights and treasures.  This isn’t naive optimism, but a powerful choice to maintain an absolute good mind.  

Together, these qualities create a balanced, centred state of being.  Compassion ensures my peace is not self-entered but connected, while gratitude grounds it in the present movement.  This synergy forms a resilient inner anchor.  I will always have a key to return to this cultivated state of equilibrium, finding strength that allows me to navigate challenges with balance and grace.  

I have specifically drawn an oracle card to represent my progress for this week and this card jumped out from the deck:

Surrender to Inner Peace

A photo of this card is attached.

On my walks I have been connecting more with the peace that nature brings to me. I have also been trying to do more creative things to help me connect with the world around me, so I don't feel so isolated and disconnected. Creating something helps me to connect with the understanding that I have the power to manifest consciously with intent. It helps me feel as if I am a part of writing my narrative rather than being swept away by the macrosystem. The chaos of the external world a lot of times feel heavy for me. I love nature because of how much diversity there is, and how everything works together to create balance. There is a safety there outside of spoken word that exists in presence. 

My creative practice was finally making a little acorn window catcher. I found some adorable acorns when in was in Portland last year. I was so happy to go. The forests were incredible. I love bugs and little creatures. I saw banana slugs, mushrooms, ferns, frogs and so many wonders. I collected the beautiful little acorns because I knew I wanted to do something with them. After all this time I still hadn't done anything with them, so this past week I took one, colored it copper and strung a bunch of little gemstones on it. She is so cute and brings me a feeling of being centered. My last name in German means Oak Tree. The outer world within nature definitely offers me grounding and space.

Since I began this course so much has changed in my life. Mainly what has changed is that I am taking a look deeper into myself like I have never done before. My alone time now is very special. It seems that I go back deeper and deeper into my past. I am not sure why. Reflecting on my exploration always takes me back into my past much more so than the future.  

I suddenly feel what I did in the past is not important any more. My love was racquetball for 40 years and winning National and World titles. I am now realizing those titles are not important. What was important at one time is no longer at this time. It was not the title because that immediately fades with winning it. After that its like " what's next " . Now I realize that it was not the title that was important, it was the work and preparation that led up to achieving it. I have suddenly realized what is more important is giving back and coaching others to fulfill their dreams with the knowledge I have acquired. 

My reflection takes me back to realize how much more fulfillment I embrace when I give back to others. It is really frightening to see myself all those years in my life were wasted on being selfish. I actually cried one day thinking I could be so selfish. Giving to others the knowledge I have now is truly much more gratifying. Being humble is truly being happy. The attachment is coaching and giving back in Ecuador.

In my creative exploration, specifically, I found myself between recently harvested farm fields under an overcast sky, and barefoot. There was enough ambient light from the town reflecting off the clouds to perceive one doe standing by a small tree. Apparently, she was rather intrigued, or maybe concerned, by my presence.

The silence was palapable, and I was cold (being barefoot) but I experienced, beyond these auditory (or the positive absence thereof) and tactile perceptions, a sense of warmth emanating from the doe. Obviously, I couldn’t literally feel this, but I noticed that I still encountered within (perhaps my imagination or intuition) that there was a pocket of warmth standing there just some twenty yards away. I “felt” also the presence of this doe as a being from another world, or at least, from a very different aspect of this same world than what I have access to. And this “internal” encounter was saturated with a sense of mystery.

I came back inside to my desk and reflected on how much of this experience was my egoic projection upon the doe and how much was genuine internal-sensory reception, imagined or not. And decided that it was an admixture of both—or decided I’d stay with that guess and see where it led. The attached poem about the experience serves as the interface of my perception with this mystery.

We are headed into Fall, my favorite season of the year. I love the smell of the earth as the multi-colored leaves fall. I married my first husband (of blessed memory) in the Fall and my second husband as well. Both weddings were blessed by the Oaks and the Maple trees in all their glory, celebrating the end of a season and welcoming the hibernation of the coming winter. I realize that I am probably approaching the Fall of my life. Do I see it as beautiful? Do I mirror Nature, taking time to rest and prepare to generate new growth? I hope that I do. This reflection has undoubtedly helped me to think about my attitude toward aging and change. Below is my poem and image.

Changing Seasons of Earth and Life

Cool, crisp air on my face.

The first hard freeze has come and gone.

I delight in seeing the last of my summer garden on my counter, ripening, waiting to be eaten.

Ripe tomatoes engage my senses with a burst of flavor so full of the light of the summer sun.

Transitioning from one season to another—

A symbol of what I am doing in my life right now.

I welcome the cold winds of change into my heart

Let them purify me for my journey and make room for new growth.

I move forward as the leaves of the past summer crunch under my feet.

I move forward as the smell of the Fall, generated by the faded plants and leaves, enriching the earth,

Fill my nose with that familiar petrichor--

Serving as a cocoon for the pollinators to sleep in this winter.

Let Pachamama (Mother Earth) be my cocoon wherever life takes me.

I can intuitively feel her embrace now. 

I am grateful and looking forward to what comes next.

During this mirroring exercise, I actually found myself noticing the mirror, more than looking for it. When I would complete my Tai Chi practice or meditation, I would notice that my surroundings were brighter and more vibrant. I found that even in the mundane, when I was doing dishes at the kitchen window, I was able to observe and appreciate the beauty all around me. My artistic expression illustrates that when I was feeling happy, content or peaceful, my exterior reflected that very same feeling.

To the contrary, there was one, rainy day when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I had no idea why or what caused it.  I found that about halfway through my day I recognized what I was feeling without knowing the why. Communication was difficult with everyone, I was clumsy and felt disoriented in my world and my relationships.  An exercise I’ve learned to use is once I acknowledge that I have a habit or a feeling, it ceases being unconquerable and becomes a conscious choice whether or not to change it. Once I realized that I was in a mood that I chose not to be in, I meditated on the state of mind in which I wanted to be and almost immediately, my mood and my outer world reflected a new sense of peace and tranquility. 

On my daily walks, I have been intentionally engaging all of my senses. Before stepping outside, I take a few moments to breathe deeply and ground myself in the present moment. Once outside, I pause with my eyes closed, I take a few more deep breaths, then open my eyes and take in what I see.

I notice the mundane things first: an empty flower pot, outdoor chairs with the cushions put away for winter. I find myself wondering what they reflect to me and how they serve as a backdrop to my life. I can recall the beautiful flowers that were overflowing the pots, and I am aware of my emotional growth since then, even though only a short time has passed.

As I walk, I take in the colors, scents, and sounds of the season. The autumn leaves are more vibrant and are in a process of letting go, shedding what no longer serves them, preparing for winter. I hear the leaves crunch under my feet and smell the crisp fall air with a hint of smoke, as if someone is burning leaves far away. It feels like an invitation to be present in the beauty of what is, and to meet it with an open heart.