International Journal of Children ’s Spirituality,   mmm.?
Vol. 12, No. 3, December 2007, pp. 249-262 """““""' "

The developmental Impact of not Integrat1ng childhood peak exper1ences
Craig W. Schlarb*
Menlo Park, California, USA
Much prior groundbreaking research has been done in recent years highlighting the qualities,
quantities and means children have to enter transpersonal states of awareness. As important as this
precedent research has been, in many ways it has yet to fully appreciate the gravity of childhood
transpersonal experiences in terms of the impact on children and their personality development
from not integrating their transpersonal experiences. This present study not only looks at the
qualities, quantities and means of childhood transpersonal experiences but reveals reasons children
have for not integrating such experiences and the resulting impact of not integrating their most
meaningful moments. The research derives from dissertation interviews with 12 adults recalling
their childhood peak experiences (CPEs). Qualitative thematic content analysis was applied to the
interview transcriptions and revealed five main themes with more than 100 supporting sub-themes.
The research has discovered a composite experience of CPEs that consists of (a) qualities of
the CPE, (b) the reasons for not assimilating CPEs, (c) the experience of sharing CPEs, (d) the
unassimilated positive qualities of CPEs, and (e) the intrapersonal and interpersonal impact of non-
assimilation. The author terms this distinct composite process CPE non-assimilation and
describes how it played out issue by issue in the developmental lives of 12 high-functioning adult
professionals.
Keywords: Childhood; Peak experience; Personal development; Socio-spiritual development
Introduction
This study uniquely contributes to the fields of developmental and transpersonal
psychology by way of looking at the nature of not assimilating what in many cases were
children’s highest, happiest and most meaningful moments. In particular this current
study not only offers a detailed perspective on the nature of childhood peak experiences
(CPEs) (which previous research thoroughly describes), but specifically focuses on
the process and consequences of not incorporating them into one’s developing
identity. Participants described exactly what positive qualities of their CPEs were not
* 1040 Noel Dr. Ste. 105 Menlo Park, CA 94025, USA. Email: drcraig@rcn.com
ISSN 1364-436X (print)/ISSN 1469-8455 (online)/07/030249-14
© 2007 Taylor & Francis
DOI: 10.1080/13644360701714928

250 C. W Schlarb
assimilated into their evolving identity. This process here after is referred to as CPE
non-assimilation. The five main themes of CPE nonassimilation derived from the
research findings are as follows (rz) qualities of CPEs, (b) reasons for not assimilating
CPEs, (c) sharing of CPEs, (d) the unassimilated positive qualities of their CPEs, and
(e) impact of non-assimilation. The research is de-limited to studying CPEs that were
not assimilated. Therefore, this excluded researching the nature of assimilated CPEs.
Method
This study describes in broad qualitative detail the composite childhood experience
of having CPEs and not assimilating them. The heuristic method of research as orig-
inated by Clark Moustakas (1990), served as the foundation for the study. The word
heuristic derives from the Greek word heuriskein, which refers to a process of discov-
ering or finding. The method is a qualitative inquiry ‘aimed at finding the underlying
meanings of important human experiences’ (Moustakas, 1990, p. 15). This method
lively captured the dynamics and intensity of children’s most meaningful experiences.
Fourteen participants currently living in the San Francisco Bay area responded to the
queries posted throughout the bay area. Twelve were selected after a preliminary
discussion on the telephone and after completing a screening questionnaire. Partici-
pants ranged in age from 24 to 57 years. There were 10 females and 2 males. Two
other males were rejected from the study, after it was mutually determined their expe-
riences did not fit the research topic. Hoffman (1992) and Davis ez al. (1991)
explained that this similar female weighting of participants in their peak experience
studies was due to either men’s lack of awareness of such experiences or men’s lack
of interest in reporting such subjective experiences. During a private 1 to 1 1/2 hour
interview participant’s shared their personal stories of CPEs and non-assimilation. An
interview style blending a semi-structured interview and an informal conversational
dialogue best suited this heuristic research. The interviews were recorded and tran-
scribed. Thematic content analysis was applied to the transcriptions individually and
then to the whole of all the participants. The analysis yielded five main themes
(outlined above) with many supportive sub-themes. A sub-theme consisted of at least
three different participant’s similar descriptions. For example, a theme was qualigz of
CPE, and one of its sub-themes was a sense of unity with all. The themes revealed a
tight range of common descriptions. A condensed and quantified group portrait
depicting the participants’ experience serves as the written explication (detailed indi-
vidual data and a full listing of sub-themes can be found in Schlarb, 2004). Underly-
ing the heuristic method’s procedural steps of data collection, content analysis and
explication of findings, are cyclical contemplative phases of immersion in the data and
incubation away from conscious dwelling upon the data (where unconscious and tacit
connections are made with the topic). Internal validity in this qualitative framework
was sought as a thorough crosschecking with participants to check and verify that
their experiences were accurately represented in the written research.
One might ask how useful adult reflections are on their childhood. It depends on
what is being contemplated. For example, to gauge the phenomenological qualities

Childhood peak experiences 251
and immediate after effects of CPEs the field of human development would be well
served by accounts given by children. However, the time lapse between their CPEs
and their retrospective accounts in this study is enhancing for the purpose of discov-
ering subjective childhood moments and the particular developmental impact of not
integrating them into one’s self-concept. In terms of limitations, the retrospective
accounts provided by research participants are clearly open for recall bias if merely
due to the time lapse separating them from their original experiences. Also confound-
ing variables such as experimenter expectancy and demand characteristics are always
important to be aware of in retrospective studies. For example, participants may very
well have emphasized what they deemed relevant to the researcher and under-
reported experiences they imagined not relevant. However, it is likely that to even
study the developmental impact of not integrating CPEs one would have to only
interview adult participants. This is because perhaps just the act of a researcher inter-
viewing a child regarding a recent CPE and following them overtime with follow up
questions pertaining to their CPE and how it has or has not been integrated would in
some ways help the child integrate the CPE and thus skew the results.
Retrospective accounts offer us a chance to peer into not only the CPE but as well
the developmental impact of not integrating their CPEs, which was a research goal of
this study obtained only with retrospection. The author considers that the partici-
pants’ hindsight actually enabled them a deeper awareness of the what, when, and
how their CPEs fit in or did not fit into their developing self-concept, including their
experiential environment (family, peers, daily activities). Even though the accounts
are retrospective, the results are still real and provide the basis for explicating and
understanding novel experiences and their impact that evolved overtime. The author
further considers the CPEs reported by the participants to be legitimate and consis-
tent with what prior research on peak experiences has described. The fact that partic-
ipants responded to the study with such descriptive, impactful accounts decades later
stands as a testament itself regarding the vivid enduring power and dynamics of their
CPEs. Adult retrospective studies on CPEs have their precedents in the research of
Hoffman (1988, 1992), Hollander (1982), Hart (2003), Armstrong (1985), and
Piechowsky (2001), to list a few.
Introduction to the findings
The nature of CPEs and their non-assimilation manifested in many phenomenolog-
ical ways. The following thematic descriptions are thus an attempt to synthesize
and distil the essence and underlying meanings and themes of the researched expe-
rience, as experienced by all the research participants. This description expands the
themes listed in the introduction and contextualizes them in the flow of how they
were reported. It is also important to note at the outset of this collective description
that not all participants shared the exact descriptions as have been generalized and
presented. However, drawing from the thematic content analysis originally done in
the research, it is possible to present the findings that resemble the average experi-
ence of the 12 research participants. Furthermore, because it is impossible to

252 C. W Schlarb
generalize all the participants’ experience into one narrative description, the author
has chosen to quantify how many participants shared in the experiences outlined
below in the portrait, hopefully adding to the intellectual honesty and clarity. This
group depiction then brings to life the processes and core experiences of the
researched phenomena while maintaining the humanness of the experience by
avoiding unnecessary abstraction.
Thematic group portrait
All the participants identified having profound peak experiences that occurred before
adolescence. The average age of CPEs was 5 years. Three participants identified their
CPEs to be their life’s first memory. The experiences commenced by in large imme-
diately after the children’s normal and habitual routines were momentarily suspended.
Ten participants considered their experiences to be spontaneous occurrences. For
example, ‘It just happened and I didn’t think about it. It was more spontaneous’.
Characterizing the participants’ individual experiences as a spiritual moment of
communion with a higher realm, or a near—death experience (NDE), or peak experi-
ence in nature would not ultimately honour their diverse experiences. This is so
because the participants often had more than one type of CPE at various stages of
childhood.
Theme 1: qualities of CPEs
The qualities of the participants’ CPEs can be generally characterized in the following
way: (a) A sense of unity with everything: i.e., ‘I was part of everything and everything
was a part of me in one moment. There was just oneness, everything was connected
in non—duality’. (b) Non-ordinary perceptions of physical reality: i.e., ‘Everything was
very defined, very three—dimensional, and organic things were extremely living’. (c)
Timeless quality: i.e. ‘There was definitely a timeless quality. It felt like I was kind of
suspended in time’. (a') Sponzaneizyz ‘I was suddenly in awe. I don’t know if there was
anything that really triggered them. No set of circumstances were needed’. (e) Peace
and bliss: ‘It was another timeless place of pure joy, peace and ecstasy. It was such a
blissful feeling’. (f) Awareness of grander presence or knozvingnessz ‘I was aware that I
was a part of and at the same time connected to a great and powerful presence that
was both within me and without me’. (g) Dramatic shy': in seU—percepzi0n: ‘I lost the ‘I’,
the personal reference. It felt like it was not from the eyes of my five—year old self’.
Participants widely agreed that their CPEs consisted of equal affective and cognitive
elements that stood out as non—ordinary and positively profound.
Nature provided the backdrop for 9 out of 12 of the participants’ CPEs. For some
ofthe participants, nature seemed to be the actual direct inspiration for the CPEs. For
example, ‘It was like being able to focus entirely on nature and feeling a connection
to something bigger’. However, in other cases where one participant had a NDE
under a collapsed sand dune, nature was in a way secondary to the affect and insight
experienced during his CPE.

Childhood peak experiences 253
Following the initial CPE, participants commonly exercised a brief ability to
continue having CPEs. The continued CPEs happened both spontaneously and in
some cases after there was a conscious effort made to reengage that non-ordinary
space. Participants would initiate continued CPEs by purposely placing themselves
into the physical and mental places that provided the context for fostering what they
now identified as CPEs. For example, ‘I found that I could recreate the same feelings
ofpeaceful connection. I liked it and I kept going back to it’. For others there was an
obsession type quality to trying to re-experience it. However, for more than half of the
participants the continued experiences were often less poignant and intense.
All of the participants felt very excited to tell the author of their often-closeted expe-
riences. Their experiential qualities of CPEs were described in many ways that paral-
lel what has previously been described as peak experiences associated with adulthood.
For example, ]ames (1936), Maslow (1999), and ]ung (1969) all observed how an
experience of unity was essential to transcendent experiences. Similarly, wholeness
appears atop Maslow’s list of B-values experienced during peak experiences. Maslow
(1999) described the associations with wholeness as ‘unity, integration tendency to
one-ness, interconnectedness, simplicity, organization, structure, dichotomy tran-
scendence, order’ (p. 93). ]ust prior to his death, Maslow started to turn his attention
to CPEs. Hollander (1982) also found that children experience ‘a sense of unity felt
either deeply within the self or through the external world’ (p. 22). These consider-
ations on the nature of unity as a primary quality of peak experiences stand parallel
with this current study’s findings where it was one of the most common overall (11
out of 12 participants) descriptive sub-themes. The participant’s descriptions are
comparable to what was outlined by Hoffman (1992) as
uplifting experiences in places of scenic grandeur, inspiring encounters with nature in
one’s own back yard, near-death or crises episodes, peak moments during intense and
personalized prayer, spontaneous moments of bliss or ecstasy, profound insights about
self—identity, life and death, and related topics, exalted experiences in formal religious
settings, uncanny perceptions with lasting import, unforgettable dreams. (p. 115)
Theme 2: reasons for not assimilating CPEs
As way of general comparison to the difficulties participants had integrating their
CPEs, Maslow (1999) admitted that his research
investigated this first phase only, that which comes easily and without effort as a sponta-
neous expression of an integrated person, or of a transient unifying within the person. The
necessary passivity and receptivity of inspiration or of a peak experience must now give way
to activity, control, and hard work. A peak experience happens to a person, but the person
makes the great product. (p. 159)
It is precisely this making of, or integration of the peak experience into one’s daily life
that did not happen for the participants. Reasons for not assimilating their CPEs
ranged between the intra- and interpersonal and the natural relational interplay
between self and other. Strictly intrapersonal reasons for non-assimilation were often

254 C. W Schlarb
difficult for participants to separate out. Children’s psychological/emotional depen-
dence on their parents perhaps made this distinction difficult. However, certain
distinctive intrapersonal themes did emerge in the data that may be considered to
stand relatively independent of external circumstances. These intrapersonal themes
ranged from (rz) personal confusion toward what was subjectively experienced and
how to make personal meaning of it, (b) not having the subjective context to hold the
experience including a lack of descriptive language, (c) having other developmental
pursuits to address instead, (d) forgetting about the CPE, and (e) simply not making
the personal time to focus on it because it began to loose its intense association in the
memory. For example, one participant said, ‘I did not have a context in myself to
assimilate it’. Another said, ‘I did not make time to draw it as a child’ while still know-
ing it to be a mysteriously important experience. It was also explained, ‘I was just
unconscious of them for such a long time’. Also regarding the intrapersonal reasons,
one participant described, ‘That was very hard to own, something that incredible’.
Another articulated that, ‘Having the experience sometimes feels like owning an
extravagant, very useful book of knowledge that is written in a language I can neither
read nor understand. Parts of my identity do not feel accessible and it’s such a loss’.
Another asserted, ‘Not having the words to describe the experience led to inhibiting
the experience’. One participant also said, ‘l\/Iy consciousness got focused on the
developmental tasks of shaping a persona’.
The dynamics between self and other played the most influential role in not inte-
grating CPEs. Particularly all 12 participants identified reasons related to fears they
had toward how they would be received by family if they had more openly integrated
the inspired insight and affect into their daily lives. This lack of familial support was
the most commonly described element of the entire study. One participant’s simple
description exemplifies this: ‘l\/Iy parents would have pushed it away and made it not
special’. Another participant described, ‘After the experiences were looked down
upon by family, I started to feel that these experiences were a bit crazy’. These
descriptions hold resonance with prior understandings in the field about the power of
the family in regard to peak experiences. Firman and Gila (1997) authors of The
Primal Wound, described how the wounding the child undergoes when there is an
empathic failure by the parents to understand the child significantly impacts the
child’s relationship with themselves and their inner spiritual world. Also relevant to
this lack of familial support for CPEs is Maslow’s (1999) conclusion that if the family
environment is oblivious to the inherent spiritual qualities in the child, the likelihood
for not properly fostering those qualities and values is high. He considered it the
parent’s responsibility to create a growth environment that fosters children’s capacities
for peak experiences and helps them grow and not regress from such revealed and
cherished capacities. Speaking to this, Atwater (1998) added, ‘what ever the family
suppresses, the child represses’ (p. 121).
Ten out of 12 participants described how their families’ views on religion impacted
the non—assimilation of their highest and happiest experiences. This theme ranged
from descriptions that described how CPEs were incongruent with traditional
Christian (Christianity was the only religious descriptor used by participants) dogmas

Childhood peak experiences 255
held by the family, to descriptions that showed how the family’s lack of religious belief
or spiritual practice inhibited greater CPE integration. For example, ‘I grew up in a
Christian fundamentalist household, and my experience was so different from the
Christian path laid out for me’. Another stated, ‘It bothered them that I wanted to go
to something that was religious [after my CPEs] ’.
Furthermore, fathers’ often played crucial roles in the non-assimilation of partici-
pants’ CPEs. Nine out of 12 participants identified their fathers as a major contrib-
uting reason they did not more satisfyingly integrate their CPEs. There were several
cases where the father was described as a source of emotional deprivation before the
CPEs occurred. However, the vast majority of descriptions citing fathers attested to
the generally fostering relationship they enjoyed with their father outside of their peak
experiences. For example, it was explained,
My father was very logical and stoic. So when I brought this to him. He said that is a story
that is a fantasy your imagination is getting away with you. My father said that’s not
correct. I then began to, I just started really to doubt and question it.
Another participant said to this issue, ‘I feel like it would not have been taken seriously,
especially with my father. I would have lost my dad if I saw that as part of me’.
Speaking more broadly to the social theme, one participant remarked, ‘It was like
swimming up stream in western culture having this experience of what God really
is. It was not until I got away from this culture did I remember I had my experi-
ence’. Hiding their highest and happiest moments from others commonly occurred
among participants because they felt different from others and that others would
not respect them. For example, ‘I was getting no reflection from others that this
was normal. So I thought "what does that mean”’. Another participant stated,
‘There was a fear of socially being ridiculed’. Having to suppress the CPE to stay in
connection with others due to a fear of loosing the given relationship rated as a
significant theme (9 out of 12). For example, ‘I cut off that part of myself, which
could have brought me joy so I would be less ostracized and stay in at least a
limited connection with others. I put a lid on it to connect with them on their level.
I shrunk myself to fit in. It felt like a conflict to try and fit into small reality when I
had this greater knowing’.
Theme 3: nature of sharing CPEs
Participants clearly linked their CPE non-assimilation with an unfortunate lack of
having someone available to share and entrust their most meaningful moments. Their
descriptions generally ranged between limited sharing to complete closeting of their
experiences. Not possessing a suitable language to convey their non-ordinary experi-
ence occurred for half of the participants. From what was revealed in this current
study, the author agrees with Robinson (1983), who in his retrospective study main-
tained that the experiences transcended language because they were ineffable, and also
because children often lacked the language to articulate them.

256 C. W Schlarb
Commonly held experiences pertaining to sharing CPEs centred on two main
points. The first, and slightly more common, was that CPEs were not shared as chil-
dren with even the closest family member. They attributed this to not hearing anyone
remotely talking about such experiences and perspectives. For many this served as
their deepest personal secret. To this experience, one participant asserted, ‘It defi-
nitely felt like my own special place, special thing, and I didn’t want to explain it to
anyone’. Secondly, the limited sharing of their CPEs (in detail and with a limited
number of persons) ranked behind the complete closeting of their CPEs. Here it was
described, ‘It was like a prized heirloom, that I would only pull out and share with
people I thought would give me special recognition’.
Participants identified fears pertaining to sharing their experience as a major reason
for completely keeping it a secret or sharing it in a limited way. The fear related to
actual or imagined (due to others’ pervading attitudes toward spirituality) reactions
from friends and family. Fears that people’s responses could detract from the
personal significance of their CPE were common (8 out of 12). For example, ‘I feared
it could be taken away if shared’. Fear existed around being perceived as crazy or
unusual if their experience was shared. ‘If I had shared more they would have thought
I was strange or insane or that something was wrong with me because it’s not in their
experience’. Four participants explicitly mentioned wishing for someone to come
along whom they could entrust their experiences with throughout their childhood and
adolescence.
Five participants recalled indirectly sharing CPEs. Some of the ways that they as
children indirectly shared their experience are exemplified by the following descrip-
tions: ‘It was never expressed in words but definitely in art’, ‘It came out through my
philosophizing and writing poetry, as wells a through psychic games with my cousin
and overcompensation with academics. It found what channels it could use and used
them to be expressed’. There is a sense that the energy of their experiences had to be
given some breathing room, even if it came through acting out that which was
inspired from the CPEs. Waiting decades to more fully and intentionally disclose
their CPEs was common for participants. Often those who waited to share their CPEs
felt that they had finally found a respectful and supportive environment.
Davis et al. (1991) found, in the their study with adults on the reasons for riot report-
ing peak experiences, that
More than half of our respondents had told two or fewer people and one in five had told
no one. Considering that they were defined as ‘the best, happiest, most wonderful
moments of one’s life’, we might have expected more open discussion of them. (p. 92)
This is a striking similarity and resonating summary to the general lack of sharing of
CPEs by the participants.
Theme 4: urtassimilated positive qualities of CPEs
The positive qualities of CPEs that were not assimilated into their developing sense
of self ranged from the actual deepening of perspectives and affect during the

Childhood peak experiences 257
heightened experiences to the broader abilities of wilfully engaging and fostering
CPEs and the ensuing deeper meaning in their lives. The experience with the great-
est commonality in this section (10 out of 12) that remained unassimilated was that
of an expanded identity. Exemplifying this, one participant said, ‘The quality of
expansiveness is what was not assimilated. I cut off a huge piece of myself, which
I’m still trying to get back’. Furthermore, another participant stated, ‘It was
constricting to not integrate my energy or self, which felt bigger’.
Along with this unassimilated sense of expanded identity, nine participants
claimed that the conjidence they experienced during their CPEs quickly dissipated.
This was then, in turn, associated with a loss of self-esteem. One participant simply
said that what was not integrated was his ‘higher confidence, higher self—esteem’.
Loosing this connection to the experience compared to loosing a valuable personal
resource. With non-assimilation came the loss of higher levels of self-worth. For
example, ‘l\/Iy self-worth was sacrificed. I saw others as greater than me following
the experience’. Believing in one’s own deeper truth was also described to be a lost
quality of the CPEs. One description exemplified this theme of unassimilated posi-
tive qualities by saying, ‘It was almost as if I wasn’t allowed to believe in my own
truth from the experience’. Another participant articulated, ‘It has taken me a very
long time to embody that truth. Not just in my head but in my whole being’.
Besides the descriptions of loosing contact with personal resources, there were nine
participants who identified loosing a sacred or spiritual connection with life. For
example, ‘The sacredness of life, that everything is within it and within me, was
lost’.
Eight participants reported the inability to purposely and effectively foster the
deeper realms of insight and affect that were revealed during CPEs. Several predom-
inant descriptions emerged related to this topic. One stated losing, ‘the ability to
foster and connect even deeper’. Another described this in the following way, ‘It is a
loss if you know you have experienced something meaningful or own something then
all of a sudden you don’t, you don’t have a way to take it further’. These inabilities
also included the desire to connect with others from the depth of unity and love that
was experienced during the CPEs. There was a sense as children that conversations
most people had were not representative of the depth of life that could be discussed.
Also to the affective side of the CPEs one participant said, ‘The great love I felt dwin-
dled’. The acute sense of purpose and direction in life they felt during their CPEs
lacked integration. For example, ‘Had I honoured this part of me, I might have
chosen differently in life areas of practicing a religion, choosing a partner with a simi-
lar spiritual orientation, and life work sooner’. Not following the purpose in life they
were in touch with during their CPEs became a source of sadness during childhood
that for many has persisted into adulthood.
Of the study’s five themes, the theme, positive qualities of CPEs that were not assinii-
lated, has less in common with any other prior empirical research. Much research has
previously described the qualities of CPEs yet little has been empirically researched
regarding exactly what are the unassimilated positive qualities of CPEs. A general
parallel to the findings of this theme exists with Haronian’s (1972) thoughts on the

258 C. W Schlarb
Repression of The Sublime. Here he described in practical terms the sublime qualities
that are too often repressed:
be[ing] concerned for others, that we feel the need to communicate with others with the
best of ourselves; and that we find the deepest satisfaction in service to others   expression
of a profound urge to trust life, to give freely of oneself   we sense the sublime as the
feeling of communion with and devotion to something that is greater than ourselves   a
purpose, a goal, an ideal that he sees as greater and more important, more durable than
his own transient existence and powers. (p. 2)
Again, the most commonly shared (11 participants) unassimilated positive quality of
CPEs in this study was the experience of an expanded identity. ]ohnson (1991) spoke
to this overall theme when he said, ‘People are as frightened of their capacity for
nobility as of their darkest sides’ (p. 45). He went on to say, ‘to own the gold in the
shadow is terrifying. The gold is related to our higher calling and this can be hard to
accept at certain stages of life’ (p. 8). A majority of participants explained that
although not assimilated as a child, their CPEs served as cloudy and unconscious
inspiration. An equal number of them sought out settings as adults that would enable
them to more consciously assimilate and reconnect with their deeper identities and
capacities.
Theme 5: impact of not assimilating CPEs
]ohnson (1995) exclaimed, ‘No suffering is more unendurable than the presence of
beauty that one cannot accept’ (p. 35). This epitomizes the reported impact or
consequences of not assimilating their CPEs. The impact varied between the
participants’ intra- and interpersonal lives. Low self—esteem ranked as the most
commonly mentioned (10/12) intrapersonal impact. The most exemplary and
direct of the descriptions is in the statement: ‘It impacted my self—esteem greatly,
because it impacted my not knowing myself. Forgetting my connection led to
suffering’. This degree of impact commonly occurred. Eight participants identified
an ensuing depression in the years following their CPE non—assimilation. For exam-
ple it was said, ‘Not integrating led to feelings of depression due to not using my
greater self. A couple of more descriptions of various intrapersonal consequences
highlight this unfortunate experience. Regarding the impact on general personal
development, it was said ‘I think absolutely it was the starting point of closing
myself off to my emotions and positive experiences. Perhaps that is why I do not
have many memories of my childhood’. An intra—psychic split developed in 9
participants.
This split was probably the most severe consequence from not integrating the experience.
I had a very weak sense of self and on the other hand there was a very clear strong sense of
self. It was like being two people, one that was the most pathetic creature and at the same
time feel great.
Over half of all participants identified not understanding oneself as an impact. The
following is exemplary.

Childhood peak experiences 259
Because I have not integrated what I call my Being, I developed an identity crisis due to
knowing there is this strong part of me but I never understood how to develop it. As a child
I did not know that the experience was a tool. I did not know how to access that internal
part of myself. That’s why I don’t focus on myself.
The deepest and most frequently felt impact of not integrating CPEs related to the
quality of their interpersonal relationships, particularly family. Eleven participants
had this experience which is highlighted by the following description.
Not integrating it prevented me from having similar experiences around other people. I
thought I had close and meaningful relationships because I was projecting my intelligence
and capacity onto others, but I was relating to others in the abstract. It kept me distant
from really appreciating others who I loved. You have to love your self in order to really
love others, and for me that has meant owning the power and capacity for experiences like
I had then.
A sampling of other predominant interpersonal impacts follows. In accordance with
the experience of not being understood by others, one described, ‘There was this feel-
ing of only if they knew the truth of who I really am’. Furthermore, eight participants
expressed that they were sometimes angry and frustrated at others for not seeing their
deeper real self that was awakened during CPEs. The following description exempli-
fied this theme.
As a child I would get very upset at others for not seeing me for who I really was. As a
teenager I knew I was going to leave the town, so I rebelled from the establishment. I was
frustrated because I had this deep knowing that was not being recognized by parents or
teachers while I was being taught things to fit into society. I ended up graduating top of
my class.
One participant expressed the experience of chronically feeling alone in the following
Way.
With this disconnection to my natural spiritual self I’ve felt alone and helpless a lot in my
life. I was forgetting that part of me and I often felt very alone. Like I didn’t fit in. I often
wondered why I was here, and felt disconnected from others.
The sadness and confusion over not being able to express or embody this deep and
inspired love with family and friends continued into adult years. Similar to these find-
ings, Hart (2003) concluded
Children who have spiritual questions and experiences are susceptible to the pitfalls of
grandiosity, depression, boundary problems, spiritual bypassing (focusing on spiritual
considerations to the neglect of more basic psychological or emotional development) and
other difficulties just like adults. (p. 211)
Conclusion
This study, with its emphasis on the composite experience of CPE non-assimilation,
presents a unique look into complex details of development often ignored by tradi-
tional developmental theory, as well as more recent theories that take into account the

260 C. W Schlarb
role of childhood spirituality. This research has attempted to paint a clear picture of
an often-unseen, protracted process that affects the core of children’s intra- and inter-
personal lives. The author believes that obtaining such detailed and personal accounts
of the participants’ experiences were made possible as a result of simply honouring
their experiences and processes in ways they had longed for. The research suggests
the likelihood that children may be having glimpses into and appreciation of a reality
that is spiritually mature beyond their years much more frequently than was thought
possible, and yet much of their experience goes unnoticed, let alone being fostered,
by adults in their lives. This points to how adults may fail children on a fundamental
level of personal development and offers parents, teachers, clergy, and therapists an
opportunity to connect with the children in their lives at deeper levels that would have
positive lasting influence. Fostering children at the depth of their inherent meaning-
making capacity can have only unexpected positive repercussions as more and more
children grow up staying connected to their greatest inner source for conscious and
compassionate citizenry.
This discussion of CPEs naturally turns to the consideration of future research aimed
at illuminating the developmental dynamics underlying CPE assimilation. Knowing
what this current research has revealed regarding children’s desire to share their expe-
riences with persons whom they could trust, it would be valuable research to determine
possible benefits of sharing CPEs. As well, research could exam the various ways chil-
dren share their CPEs and respond to other’s style of feedback pertaining to their CPEs.
Some other potential research directions are (a) what would assimilation of CPEs look
like at the time they happened, and any positive influence on development, (b) what,
if any, would the positive potential or influence of non-assimilation look like, and (c)
it could be interesting to apply quantitative research to a large population to obtain a
better understanding ofthe prevalence of CPEs. One could think of many future clinical
and educational studies aimed at further revealing aspects of our lives touched by early
peak experiences.
Given what participants conveyed, perhaps the most reasonable and practical
advice to give parents, educators, and therapists on helping CPE assimilation would
be to honour the child as an individual. The research did reveal that in most cases an
adult’s attempt to explain the child’s CPE was not helpful to the child. This is so in
part because children will most likely have their own meaning with the CPE born out
of their unique individual drives for understanding and growth. A balance that has
been described by many, including Armstrong (1985), Hoffman (1992), Hart
(2003), and others, must be struck between overly encouraging and dismissing CPEs.
Here Vygotsky’s (1978) zone of proximal distance can be creatively applied to a
child’s spiritual development. In this way, there may exist an optimal distance or
interest the adult maintains in fostering the child’s latent and overt spiritual capaci-
ties. Parents need not feel they have to take a special class on fostering CPEs, they
don’t have to try and honour CPEs as a separate thing. ]ust helping children honour
their everyday ways of knowing and experiencing, as a general principle, may be
enough to help them trust, explore, and incorporate their non-ordinary ways of know-
ing. Such a parental investment in fostering the whole of their child’s experiences is

Childhood peak experiences 261
an investment in a richer and possibly healthier life not just for the child but also for
themselves and their entire family. For a fuller discussion of factors associated with
integrating CPEs refer to Schlarb (2004).
Given that these experiences occurred when children were often seeking out
social cues and general direction on integrating or making sense of the vast world
they were rapidly experiencing, we would expect children to turn to their parents
for some understanding and validation of their CPEs, but because their CPEs were
of such a subjective and profound nature it was difficult for their parents or peers to
pay it tribute to the degree that participants felt adequate. This drive for external
validation expressed itself in unique ways and in proportion to the intensity of their
experiences as they manifested outside the children’s habitual understanding of
themselves. In Western society, where so much attention is placed on the central
role of parents, this study is a natural revelation of the shortcomings of the insular
nuclear family. It was clear that nearly all participants over time secured a commu-
nity in which they were comfortable living into the inspiration of their CPEs. What
the retrospective or longitudinal quality of this study offers is the notion that West-
ern culture could benefit from more organized collective ritual experiences that pay
tribute to and foster our inherent capacity as children for connecting with a genu-
inely transpersonal reality.
Notes on the contributor
Craig W. Schlarb is a licensed psychologist in the San Francisco Bay area of
California, where he is a psychological consultant and maintains a private prac-
tice. Dr. Schlarb is on the faculty of California State University East Bay where
he coordinates the mental health division of the Masters of Social Work Depart-
ment. He obtained his PhD in Transpersonal Psychology from the Institute of
Transpersonal Psychology in Palo Alto, California. He has developed a hypno-
therapeutic method that helps adolescents and adults address and integrate their
transpersonal experiences into daily living. He teaches mindfulness meditation
and hypnosis classes. He and his wife enjoy the many outdoor activities of Cali-
fornia.
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